Thursday, April 23, 2009
Why don't we believe God??
I have been very, very busy being a Mom lately. Last week I spent every day, yes - every day, every single day at the doctor's. With eight kids at home, all of whom displaying a new and different respiratory virus, I didn't want to take any chances. So, a few children at a time and finishing up with four on Friday - two for a first time, two for a recheck of their chest I put in more than my fair share of elevator miles. My kids had not been sick for over a year so we hadn't been in awhile and my doctor is great, patient and I love her.
But still.....there were twinges of sort of guilt about what I was doing. The back and forth driving, the parking as well as the relying on oldest daughter at home to help w/ babysitting. It was an exhausting week as it finally came to a close. As I was falling asleep on Friday, I couldn't help but wonder, "What did I get done this week???"
Great spiritual writers such as St. Francis de Sales would say I was being holy. His treasure "Conformity to God's Will" says as much. Other great works such as "Abandonment to Divine Providence" speak of the holiness of the moment. The saint who sweeps the floor of her hut because that is what needed at the moment and it is done well and with acceptance.
But I balk at that. I rarely think that what I do as a Mom is worthy of being called "holy" but I assured by God and great writers through the centuries that it is. Holiness is not perfection but being set aside for God and God's purpose. And what greater purpose is there of 'laying down one's life for another'? Even if that laying down is nothing more than driving a 15 passenger van back and forth, and back and forth to the doctor's, the pharmacy and then home.
Motherhood has many moments of such holiness. Perhaps they are small and hidden but they are there all the same. What I do will never garner the recognition that the work of Blessed Mother Teresa or Blessed Edith Stein but am I doing what I do for the world's accolades or God's smile of approval. "This is my daughter, with whom I am well pleased."
I hope that at some point during last week (and today for that matter), He gave St. Michael a nudge in the side and said, "See, that Rachel??? Boy, she is making me proud!"